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If I Was Satan.... By Brian Smith


This writing is NOT for Christians. This writing is for Atheists, Agnostics, Wiccans, Satanists, and with that being said, just PRETEND while you read this that Jesus IS real and that he IS the ONLY way to God... Just pretend even though you think it’s stupid..

For starters, I don’t believe Christians take Satan as seriously as they should. He is a MILITARY GENIUS and not some dopey cartoon character that jumps around in a red jumpsuit whispering in your ear to over stare at the hot lady’s boobs across the room or if you’re a lady, the hot man’s butt... If they truly took Satan and Hell serious, they would all be consumed with love and compassion BEGGING their loved ones to believe in Christ instead of being the snooty self righteous ass holes that many of them are. I think EVERY Christian should have to do just 10 seconds in Hell, and they/we would return being the most loving and caring people that you would ever meet! Instead of Bible bashing people, they would just want to LOVE the Hell outta of you.


Actually, we are not even dealing with Satan himself. We are dealing with his Angels because Satan is NOT omnipresent like God meaning that Satan cannot be everywhere at the same time like God can, so rest assured the actual Devil himself is more than likely spending his time with World Leaders and Politicians to carry out his will, while Planet Earth spins out of control headed towards the return of Christ which was foretold in the scriptures many moons ago.


Satan convinced 1/3 of all the Angels to follow him out of Heaven and the battle of the ages has been going on ever since. Satan KNOWS that he cannot defeat God but he does know how to hurt God and he does it very well... He can hurt God’s heart by keeping as many people as he can, separated and away from God for all of eternity and he is doing a superb job of this. I mean let’s face it, there are many MANY more people going to hell than Heaven according to the scriptures. Over 6000 people die EVERY HOUR of every day of every month of every year. There are 7 billion people on this planet, and only 2 billion are SUPPOSEDLY Christian so you do the math... I say “supposedly” because if there were actually 2 billion ALL IN Christians on the planet taking God’s word serious, the world would be a better place but that is a story for another time... Oh and remember that Hell was NOT created for mankind, but the Military Genius figured out a loophole and deceived our ancient ancestors into believing a lie so that we could share in his eternal fate someday.


Now it is no secret that the top 5 religions of Earth all believe that THEIR way is the ONLY way so that alone could be intimidating for someone that may be God shopping so already the Military Genius has done well in creating worldwide confusion. But wait! The top 5 only speak for 75% of the population. According to “The Register” there are actually 4,300 DIFFERENT religions in the world so read this real quick:

There are some 4,300 religions of the world. This is according to Adherents, an independent, non-religiously affiliated organization that monitors the number and size of the world's religions.


Side-stepping the issue of what constitutes a religion, Adherents divides religions into churches, denominations, congregations, religious bodies, faith groups, tribes, cultures, and movements. All are of varying size and influence.


Nearly 75 per cent of the world's population practices one of the five most influential religions of the world: Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, Islam, and Judaism.


Christianity and Islam are the two religions most widely spread across the world. These two religions together cover the religious affiliation of more than half of the world's population.


If all non-religious people formed a single religion, it would be the world's third largest.


One of the most widely-held myths among those in English-speaking countries is that Islamic believers are Arabs. In fact, most Islamic people do not live in the Arabic nations of the Middle East.


The world's 20 largest religions and their number of believers are:


1. Christianity (2.1 billion)

2. Islam (1.3 billion)

3. Nonreligious (Secular/Agnostic/Atheist) (1.1 billion)

4. Hinduism (900 million)

5. Chinese traditional religion (394 million)

6. Buddhism 376 million

7. Primal-indigenous (300 million)

8. African traditional and Diasporic (100 million)

9. Sikhism (23 million)

10. Juche (19 million)

11. Spiritism (15 million)

12. Judaism (14 million)

13. Bahai (7 million)

14. Jainism (4.2 million)

15. Shinto (4 million)

16. Cao Dai (4 million)

17. Zoroastrianism (2.6 million)

18. Tenrikyo (2 million)

19. Neo-Paganism (1 million)

20. Unitarian-Universalism (800,000)

Taken from “The Register”


Now it gets pretty wild after these 20... I even discovered that one of the 4,300 different religions include a small group of people that worship rocks and that is called “Tondeism”... So again I say, the Military Genius created the greatest hurricane of confusion ever and it would be quite intimidating for someone trying to discover the ONE TRUE GOD...


Now here is my point to this entire writing... If I was a Military Genius like Satan, what would my goal be? To deter everyone, I could from the ONE TRUE GOD, right?

If I was Satan I would use the FOLLOWERS of the one true God to deter the rest of the world away from Christ... Even Gandhi said, “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” This SCREAMS truth and he was Hindu!


If I were Satan I would:


1. Make a high percentage of Christians look batshit crazy. You know, like the snake handlers, the Kenneth Copelands of the world “Blowing The Wind of God” against Covid and saying it is gone forever, (Google It) Benny Hinn swinging his damn coat around like a fool, (Google It), all the preachers throughout the years that claim Jesus is coming back on a certain time/date when even the Bible strictly prohibits that so THEY ARE ALWAYS WRONG, all the “Holiness” church services that shows MOST of the congregation jumping around convulsing like they are possessed while yelling, screaming and falling down slain in the Spirit when the Bible also says that is wrong and puts strict limitations on people speaking tongues in a group setting. My personal favorite is when someone created a video of it along with SLAYER so that it looks like they are all head banging! Oh and what about the idiots that try to get you to “sow a seed offering/donation” to their television ministry and they will send you some “Miracle Water” in a packet to rub on your infirmity for healing OR your wallet for prosperity... There are MANY more examples I could list but you know these types!


2. If I were Satan, I would make weak-minded Christians come up with all sorts of things that are NOT scriptural and call it doctrine just like the Pharisees of Jesus’ day did.. For example MOST Christian churches will tell you that drinking alcohol is a sin whether just one drop or 1 bottle.... I even have an uncle that will not eat beer-battered fish! This is INSANE! Nowhere in the entire bible does it say DO NOT DRINK... It says don’t be a DRUNKARD... Big difference there, people! The Bible is filled with scripture that shows they were drinkers back then but yet most churches will still tell you it’s a sin and shove that nonsense down lost people’s throats. There are many other rules that these churches say are in the bible, but in reality, they DON’T EXIST!!! They will take a scripture that basically says to dress modestly and create some jean skirt and hair bun dress code where all of a sudden wearing swimsuits become a sin... The point I am making here is they shove these non-existent rules down the throats of lost people, AKA “Non-Christian” in the world.. Through these narrow-minded people, satan has made lost people think that to get saved and attend church, you will have to quit drinking alcohol, quit tobacco, wear some drab clothing including but not limited to head coverings, long dresses, no make-up and such... They will make you think to meet God, you have to give up Rock n Roll or your favorite music in exchange for SUB PAR Christian music. They will make you think you have to wear dress clothes to service, not watch anything above G-rated movies and such. Some believe that guys can’t have long hair and that women should not cut their hair... Guess what, people??? This is called LEGALISM, and these rules ARE NOT IN THE BIBLE!!! Why would a lost person want to step foot in these places if they think that they have to give up everything and clean up before you walk in the door?


3. Have each Christian Denomination think that their way is more right than the other denominations, thus creating SPIRITUAL PRIDE and feelings of being elite over their less enlightened brothers and sister at the other churches when we are actually all on the same team! For example Baptists do not believe in speaking in tongues but the Pentecostals do. Both denominations think the other is WRONG and will tell lost people that the other is wrong, which creates CONFUSION within the lost person and shows DISCORD within believers of the SAME God!!! Guess what ego-maniacs??? BOTH denominations are going to Heaven!!! Most Christian denominations split hairs and bicker over SLIGHT doctrinal differences that DO NOT MATTER in the grand scheme of Salvation and where you will spend eternity! The Baptists think they have it more right than the Pentecostals and the Pentecostals think they have it more right than the Methodists and the Methodists think they are more right than the Nazarenes and the Church of Christ think EVERYONE is wrong but them and the Catholics think they are the real church! Catholicism was definitely the first ORGANIZED church but MOST of their ritualistic beliefs cannot be found ANYWHERE in God’s Scriptures! Not saying they aren’t saved BUT they have created some WHACK beliefs that are nowhere in the Bible. I believe that all the different Christian Denominations are an evil tactic of the Military Genius to CONFUSE lost people and steer them away from all the different “Flavors” of Christianity... I mean each denomination think they are more right than the others so a lost person asks, “Who’s right”? Hell, let’s just go check out Buddhism or Witchcraft... That seems pretty cut and dry and too the point..


4. If I were Satan I would make the one true religion have the most sex scandals, the most pedophiles, the richest of Pastors gaining millions off the backs of their poor church members, the most prudes, the most self-righteous holier than thou types, the most gossips, the most slanderers and such...


5. If I were Satan I would make the one true religion have the most cult leaders like David Koresh, Jim Jones, Heaven’s Gate, Movement for the Restoration of the Ten Commandments of God, Order of the Solar Temple and The Children of God - Family International to name a FEW...


6. If I were Satan, I would get 90% of Christians to turn the church into something you did on Sunday, instead of BEING THE CHURCH out in the world Monday through Saturday... Turning a building into a “member’s only country club” where a bunch of people congregate every Sunday and pretend that their lives are more Christian than the others at the club and just hope lost people will miraculously walk through the door BUT they had better look right, talk right dress right and don’t you dare sit in Susie's seat because she has been coming to this church for 20 years and she will mean mug you the rest of the service!


7. If I were Satan, I would taint and poison the Love, Compassion and Forgiveness of Christ with hate slingers like the nut jobs at Westboro Baptist Church who hold up signs that say, “God Hates Fags” and “God Laughs At Your Dead Soldier”. Oh and let’s not forget the “Open Air Street Preachers” lead by the EGO MANIAC, Ruben Israel or better known outside of church walls as a confrontational street-preacher who shows up at college campuses, pride rallies, and major regular events like the Mormon general conference in Salt Lake City. Raised in a Catholic family, he started “preaching” as soon as he was saved but really all he is doing is spewing hate, anger and poison...


The bottom line is, I could keep going and this is NOT the Jesus of the Bible...


Did you know that the Christian God is the ONLY God that wants ANYTHING to do with His creation? Christianity is the ONLY religion on Earth that doesn’t require WORKS to get to Heaven... A Muslim can be the BEST Muslim he can be. Try to follow every rule and STILL have no guarantee that Allah will let him in.. The ONLY way to secure a guarantee of going to Heaven in the Muslim religion is by dying in Jihad/Holy War (You know, like crash your plane into a building or something to kill the infidels?) or to leave your family and immigrate to another land to spread Islam...


Hindu is another WORKS faith... Most Hindus believe that humans are in a cycle of death and rebirth called samsara. When a person dies, their atman is reborn in a different body. Some believe rebirth happens directly at death, others believe that an atman may exist in other realms. ... Hindus believe in karma or 'intentional action'. So if you do a lot of good you may come back as a “Holy Cow” but if you do bad, you will be a Dung Beetle, swimming in that Cow’s shit patty.. Not to mention there are over 3,000,000 gods in Hindu most looking like deformed cartoon characters created during a bad LSD trip... Jesus is also one of the 3 million gods that you can choose to worship but Jesus is NOT supreme like our Bible says. A Military Genius says “yeah Jesus is real and you can choose to worship him outta the 3 million Gods so get away from those crazy ass Christians and worship Jesus with the Hindus”... Clever


Little did I know, but 99% of all Buddhists are Atheist and worship involves religious acts of praise, honor and devotion, usually directed towards a deity or another figure worthy of this degree of respect. Most Buddhists do not believe in God. Although they respect and look up to the Buddha , they do not believe he was a god but they worship him as a form of respect.


Now if there is NO GOD, who gave the fat man the authority and knowledge to tell his followers that they would go on after death? In Buddhism there are several heavens, all of which are still part of samsara (illusionary reality). ... Because heaven is temporary and part of samsara, Buddhists focus more on escaping the cycle of rebirth and reaching enlightenment (nirvana). Nirvana is not a heaven but a mental state. But seriously, if they are Atheist and there is no God, who authorized Buddha to make such claims with no proof to back it up... He was HOPING there was something else after this and turned it into HIS belief with no proof and others followed like they followed Forrest Gump when he started Runnn-ning across the Country...


Buddha was also thought to be a pedophile! An Atheistic but PEACEFUL pedophile... What the hell? Not to mention the countless Buddhist Monks that were into pedophilia as well..


But wait! Islam’s Muhammad was a pedophile too! The majority of traditional sources state that Muhammad’s wife Aisha was engaged to Muhammad at the age of six or seven, but she stayed in her parents' home until the age of nine, or ten according to Ibn Hisham, when the marriage was consummated with Muhammad, then 53, in Medina. Would you like YOUR 9-10 year old having sex with a 53 year old?!?!?! Are you kidding me?


So let’s get this straight... Out of the 4 major religions of the world, all BUT Christianity believe that good deeds is the way to some sort of pleasant afterlife with NO GUARANTEES... 2 of the 4 were founded by pedophiles and 1 of the 4 was founded by an Atheist Pedophile... Hmmmm... Where do I sign up? NOT....


I would rather ROT IN HELL before praying to a god that founded his religion through a murdering pedophile like Muhammad... Oh and a Muslim Man’s goal is to get his 71 virgins when he gets to Heaven! So yeah tell me Islam wasn’t created in the mind of Mohammad. I wouldn’t serve a God that degraded women like that on Earth AND in Heaven... The Nation of Islam’s beliefs are the mirrored OPPOSITE of Christianity. Just do a little digging. It’s not hard to see.. The Anti-Christ that the Christians are watching and waiting to take the stage is actually a HOLY man according to Muslim beliefs.. Check it out for yourself. Military GENIUS, remember? Muhammad got pissed and stomped off and created his own game..


Oh and do you know WHY Muslims hate Christians and Jews so much? Muhammad presented his story to the Jews and Christians of his time and the Jews and Christians thought he was a heretic with a dash of lunatic and told him to get lost... So like every good godly man does, he went and grabbed his friends and formed an army that went around FORCING people to turn or die... That hatred has lasted for around 1500 years now.. Jesus, Moses and Abraham are all recognized and mentioned in the Quran too by the way. They believe that Jesus performed the miracles and all but they just don’t believe he was God in human form or that he rose from the dead.. Belief in Jesus raising from the dead and confessing that He is Lord IS WHAT MAKES YOU A CHRISTIAN AND GETS YOU TO HEAVEN... See what the Military genius did there to the Muslims? Sure they believe Jesus was real but not WHO he really was/is and that is the most important part that gets you to Heaven.. Oh and one last thing... Isn’t it pretty wild that approximately 20,000 Muslims convert to Christianity EVERY YEAR? Most Muslims are Muslim out of FEAR...


Hell, even Mormons and Jehovah’s Witness call themselves Christian BUT they have removed the MOST IMPORTANT PART of Christianity and did it in a very subtle way and they do not recognize Jesus for who he REALLY is thus making them a false doctrine... Military Genius remember?


In closing, I’m sure there are VERY FEW that have read up to this point but if you are one of the few that has please hear me out...


It is a HISTORICAL FACT that a man they called Christ walked this Earth.. It is a FACT that the religious elite of that time, had him tortured and crucified on a cross... These are FACTS... Historical FACTS just like the FACT Buddha lived around 563 years BEFORE Jesus and the FACT that Muhammad lived around 500 years AFTER Jesus.. What makes you Christian is that you believe with just a small mustard seed of faith that God indeed raised him from the dead and that the few hundred people that hung out with him for 40 days after he rose from the dead and close to 500 peeps watched him ascend into the sky with a promise that we will be with him someday in Heaven... Not a boring place sitting on a cloud playing a harp but a NEW Heaven, a NEW Earth merging into one and you will get a NEW body that will never die... Still the same you on the inside just a better shell to house it in on the outside.


Think that’s too hard to believe? It takes MORE faith to be Atheist. All this just happened because a rock was just far enough away from a heat source and then a cell appeared out of nowhere in a body of water that also just magically appeared and then a billion years later that cell crawled out of the water evolving into ever creature that we see today? Yeah that takes more faith than a mustard seed my friend.. And for that matter how does ANYTHING exist to begin with.. Rocks floating through darkness and then a BIG BANG... Well who created the rocks and the igniter for the bang? You say science proves this... I say YOU ARE CORRECT because God created science to use as his bitch! He said, “let there be light and BANG there was light.... You can believe in science just believe in the creator of science. I wish I had a faith as strong as yours! There must be a creator... An artist... A master sculptor...


I’ve met SO MANY Wiccans, Atheists and Agnostics that admit they had a HORRIBLE experience with Christians or a Sunday Country Club and they walked away not wanting any part of the God they represent.... Well If I were Satan I would create those experiences over and over again to deter people from the TRUTH... God is not the ass hole! Just a lot of his followers are and people tend to copy/paste their bad experience with church and Christians over the face of Christ.. They are blaming the wrong guy... Military Genius remember?


The REAL God/Jesus is not the person that many Christians portray... He is not some mean old man with a magnifying glass sitting at an ant hill on a sunny day, waiting for you to screw up. Read the Book of Luke and the Book of Acts and you will see just what a loving God did to restore YOU with HIM... Satan is the master of deception and division, and DAMN IS HE GREAT AT HIS JOB!!!


Please give God another chance... If you feel your heart strings being tugged at EVEN IN THE SLIGHTEST, that is the Creator of the Universe trying to get your attention... Say this prayer and if you believe it in your heart with just enough faith to fill the hull of a mustard seed you WILL HAVE A BEAUTIFUL LIFE after this freak show is over... You don’t have to quit or change ANYTHING in your life after you say and believe this prayer, because what the Military Genus does NOT want you to know is that after say it and believe it, God’s Holy Spirit will enter your heart and as you seek God, He will seek you and CLEAN YOU UP ALONG THE WAY... He will begin to slowly and gently re-wire your heart and mind and you will begin to change by HIS power and not your own... And all we Christians are supposed to do is love the Hell outta you along the way!


Now isn’t THAT beautiful????


Pray This:


My Father God,

I confess now that Jesus Christ is Lord.

I believe in my heart with a tiny mustard seed of faith that you raised Jesus from the dead.

Please forgive me for all of my sins God and cover them over with the Blood of Jesus.

Please guide my steps from this day forward and I declare you the Lord and God of my life..

I ask this all in Jesus name...

Amen...


~Saint Hellion~

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